30 Things the Committee Don't Want To Hear Us Say

Eastercon committees sometimes seem to get a little nervous when they hear what we have planned (SMS announced WHAT at the closing ceremony? How can we axe it now?). Here a few examples of things we find it best not to say in the presence of a member of the committee:

  1. Somebody left Rampaging Roger turned on and now we can't find him.
  2. What's the hotel's policy on chemical weapons?
  3. Here, hold this while I light the gas axe.
  4. Any idea where we could hire a cheap JCB for the Easter weekend?
  5. Nothing can possibly go wrong. Oops.
  6. How much damage can one little can of petrol do, really?
  7. No, I said whatever you do, don't push the red button.
  8. How far is it to the nearest A&E?
  9. The AI's a bit temperamental - we'll be OK as long as it doesn't see anybody with a beard.
  10. Gaffer tape! SOMEBODY GET ME THE GAFFER TAPE!
  11. Technically it's an incendiary, not an explosive.
  12. We've got the giant blade and the sixty foot rope; all we need now is a volunteer with a head for heights.
  13. I can't decide whether to go with the flame thrower or the circular saw attachment.
  14. The Hindenberg was a fluke; hydrogen balloons are perfectly safe.
  15. This year we're asking entrants to build BURROWING robots!
  16. Does anyone know the phone number for the bomb squad?
  17. Between us, we have decades of experience destroying things.
  18. Over here is where the vast bulletproof polycarbonate arena is going to go.
  19. Can anyone lend us a Clanger?
  20. This year's theme is: Indoor Rocketry!
  21. I told you that chain wasn't thick enough to stop it going walkabout again.
  22. HIT THE DECK: IT'S GONNA BLOW!
  23. Can you give me a hand starting my chainsaw?
  24. What are you worrying about? The hotel has a sprinkler system doesn't it?
  25. I sold your arc welder to a chaos costumer for three magic buttons.
  26. Why do you think it's called a KILL switch?
  27. I know how to do this; I saw it on an episode of the A Team.
  28. I'm sure the surgeons will be able to stitch it back on.
  29. It's only a little bomb.
  30. Don't worry, SMS is running things.